Living on a whim.

My friend hit the nail on the head last night. I called him to tell him why I quit my job and that I’m now unemployed again, his first reaction was “WHAT?? WHAT HAPPENED? HOW?....you know what actually I predicted that” his second reaction was: "Hannah I know that if you’re not happy doing something, you’ll make a move"

And this is how I live my life, summed up in one sentence.

How I didn't twig onto this earlier I will never know especially after the last few months. The full story deserves a blog post of it’s own but just to give some context to my life thus far: In the space of seven weeks I have relocated from Bradford to London, I sofa surfed for a month in various friend’s living rooms and then moved into a house in East London. Then this week I quit the job I originally came to London to do, in search of something more creative; I’m now sat in a cafe feeling far too peaceful for my current situation.

I would like to clarify I do not have a privileged background, my mum is not in the position where she can bail me out, I am my only security...and I have only just realised that I'm an impulsive person.

I do much better when I think less.

Being impulsive is all too often deemed as a negative thing. I think in society’s eye, people are one of two personalities; Either they plan out every minute or they run barefoot through their psilocybin reality. There is rarely an in-between. I managed to wade through the negative and the 'how-not-to-be' google pages and found one of the rare articles that lists the reasons why being impulsive is a good thing: Holly Harris for Bolde. It is refreshing to see it written down and it's what has inspired me to make this week's post about the benefits of being impulsive.

Here are two of the points I related to the most.

You don’t get stuck in over-planning; I actually find planning stresses me out more than just going and seeing what happens. I also HATE waiting around to get going somewhere, I’m the one stood by the door impatiently dancing like a puppy waiting to go for a walk.

You go for what you want; I am in touch with what feels right and what doesn’t, I can get caught up with trying to trick myself into being happy but most of the time I know if something is right or wrong for me, it comes back to following your gut and trusting your instincts.

I’m living my life with the dust in the air and I’m feeling more settled than ever.

Although I relate to most points on that blog there is something about being both introverted and impulsive that don’t go hand in hand. You’re more likely to find me in a dressing gown in front of the TV than in a club dancing with strangers, I’m not a massive fan of being the one to suggest places to go and don’t even talk to me about planning my birthday...nope….not going there. So when you picture the impulsive raver who takes everyone to cool places at weird times of the night that is 100% not me, but I am the person who will up sticks and leave if I'm battling with my own contentment.

This is why it took me so long to realise how impulsive I actually am because I don’t change up my life when I’m bored, which is what I thought ‘being impulsive’ meant, I make decisions based on my happiness. At 23 years old, with nothing tying me down, practicalities don’t matter to me but how I feel does. My natural thought process is to ask myself: how I do I feel in my current situation? how can I make this the best for me? and the practical sh*t will follow. Whilst to some of my friends it seems a hell of a risk, assuming money and stability will just happen to fall in line, I seem to have an inner trust in the system and so far it’s worked.

So my conclusion to this self-realisation is that if you start to live your life in relation to your happiness, rather than it being measured by the number in your bank account or what everyone else around you expects you to measure it by. You'll find the cards will slot in the right places and success will follow. It just takes honesty, trust and a little less thinking.

Han x